*SEVENTEEN HABITS THAT SHOWS YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT GREAT*
Sometimes, we do have a fake assessment of our marriage. Some think their marriages are doing very great, but the truth is their marriages are very poor and not progressive.
Here let us examine some habits in your marriage that show it’s not great.
*1. YOU GO TO BED AT DIFFERENT TIMES*
One simple thing, but very important, is the couple lying down to sleep together. You may have different work schedules and studies, but it is worth struggling to maintain this habit.
Sometimes the day is so tumultuous, that the only time the couple has to stay together, to know how each other’s day was, to hug and caress each other is bedtime. And it’s so good to sleep together with the loved one!
*2. YOU LOVE YOUR JOBS MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE*
This is a bad habit. Your job comes first in your heart and you don’t care whatever happens to your spouse. You allowed the stress at work to affect your sexual union with your spouse. You always take excuses from your spouse in favour of your work and never take excuses from your work in favour of your spouse. You never remember that you will leave that office one day, no matter how good you are on the job.
*3. YOU HAVE TWO FACES*
You are your best when at work laughing, jesting, and making everybody happy. However, you are something else at home. If your children take cover whenever you arrive at your home, it’s a sign that your marriage is not great.
*4. YOU FEEL AT HOME AT WORK BUT FEEL AT WORK AT HOME*
You never wish to go home after work; you do feel at home at work, but your home is like a war zone to you; you detest it. If nothing makes you rush back home after work then something is wrong with your marriage
*5. YOU SLEEP IN DIFFERENT ROOMS*
You have Daddy’s and Mummy’s room. You don’t sleep in the same room. No matter your reasons for it something is just not right in your marriage.
*6. YOU LOVE YOUR FRIENDS MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE*
Your friends come first in your heart. To you, they are more valuable than your spouse. It’s a sign that you are getting something wrong in that marriage.
*7. YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE*
It is common to see parents putting their children first in all situations, and loving them more than their spouse. This behaviour does not seem wrong, does it? But the truth is that this weakens marriage in a gigantic way.
At first, it was just the both of you. You both courted and married each other eventually. You were the most important people to each other. Then came the children, they grew up, and then started their own families too. This is how it shall be from generation to generation.
The most important union we make in this life is in marriage. Your spouse should be the most important person to you. Your children are the fruits of your love, and in order for the fruits to grow and remain good, love must be nourished. When your children get married, it will be you and your spouse again, just as it was in the beginning.
*8. YOU TALK, BUT YOU DON’T DISCUSS*
Everything is resolved through dialogue. At work, in the family, in social life and especially in marriage, everything is resolved through discussion and dialogue. When dialogue is missing, the discoveries will end, the misunderstandings will come and you will not be able to resolve issues because you simply did not talk.
You will have different goals and you will make different plans for the future because you do not dialogue anymore. Listen, speak, solve, meet the person who shares your life with you, this is indispensable for a successful marriage.
*9. YOU TALK AT EACH OTHER, YOU DON’T TALK TO EACH OTHER*
Talking at each other involves blame game, accusation, counter-accusation, finger-pointing, shouting, abusive words, name-calling, slander, curses etc. If you do any of these, then you have a poor marriage.
Talking to each other involves dialogue, discussion, listening, clarifications, effective communications, praise, and appreciation. If this is what you are doing you have a great marriage.
*10. THERE ARE HIDDEN PURCHASES AND SECRECY*
You may not realize it, but doing “hidden shopping” weakens your marriage. And you know the name of this attitude? Financial infidelity. That’s right, you’re cheating on your spouse. When you keep hiding money and shop without the other knowing, you demonstrate that you do not trust your spouse and that your spouse is not worthy of your trust.
I know this is very strong, but it’s real. A relationship is made of trust, of delivery, and of truth. If you hide, it’s because you know it’s wrong, and if it’s wrong, why keep doing it?
*11. YOU ARE CARELESS WITH YOUR APPEARANCE*
Years of marriage may pass, but your care of appearance should not pass. At the time of the courtship, there was preparation for the meeting, wasn’t it? Bathing, fingernails and clean clothes, hair combed … and now, have you done it? The conquest continues, it does not stop.
Our exterior demonstrates what is inside us. If the appearance is unkempt, surely something is messed up inside as well.
*12. YOU DON’T TRUST EACH OTHER*
Although, trust is earn and it’s highly the matter of someone habit. Yet, I cannot imagine how a person can marry someone he/she does not trust. This seems to be out of the question. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. As long as you do not trust your spouse, he/she will not trust you as you will never feel secure in each other; and you will always be fighting over the causes of this evil.
*13. YOU COMPLAIN OR NAG*
It’s so much easier to complain than to act, isn’t it? Everything seems bad, unsatisfactory, and insufficient; everything seems to have defects and so on. You miss great opportunities to be happy because you have been taking the time to complain about what is not good. This behaviour becomes a habit, an addiction, and it is not at all easy to abandon this custom.
You complain that your husband does not help with household chores, but when he helps you, you find faults in what he did. You complain that your wife is not looking after her appearance, but when she goes to the beauty saloon, you complain about the time she spent there and the money you spent.
Try to see the positive things. In everything there is opposition, even in bad situations, there is something good.
*14. YOU REPORT YOUR SPOUSE TO OUTSIDERS*
You have this bad attitude of reporting your spouse to every dick and harry that cares to listen. While it’s a sign of immaturity, it’s also a sign that something is wrong with your marriage.
*15. YOU LUST AFTER OTHER MEN OR WOMEN*
To you, other women or men are better than your spouse. Some even imagine sleeping with other people out there thinking they are by far better than their spouses.
*16. YOU ARE NOT LOYAL TO EACH OTHER*
Many husbands and wives are not loyal to each other. They talk ills of each other when their spouses are not there, but pretend all is well when they see each other. They do many things at the back of each other that are really bad but cover it up with fake care and love.
*17. YOU DON’T GIVE SEX A PRIORITY IN YOUR MARRIAGE*
When sex is not given its rightful place in marriage, it is a sign something terrible is happening in that home. Sex is the lubricant of marriage; sex is the cement of matrimony. When it becomes a chore or source of discord in a marriage, it’s a sign that something is really wrong.
Work on your marriage and you will ever imagine how good it is to find a wife/husband…
May ALLĀH (Sub-haanahu wata’aala) bless our marriages. Ameen