My names are Dr Abdullah Oyekole Abu Haneefah *3 Star General*, some Don’t know the meaning of this *3 star General* and thinks it’s just a mere Nick name, it means I have 3 Wives before age 25.
Why am I saying this?
But why did I decide to direct my Discussion to the men?
The answer is simple: *Most Marital Crises could have been avoided if they have not been caused by the Men themselves!*
If you have one wife and you want to seek advice on your marital crises, it’s advisable to seek the advice of Someone with 2 wives or at least one wife like you but with more experience, if you have 2 wives and you want to seek advice, the best option is to seek from someone with 3 wives or at least 2 wives like you but with more experience, and the list goes up.
But if you as a man with 2 wives seeks advice from a bachelor or a man with one wife, most of the time, the advice is Disastrous.
So with the level of experience gathered over the course of years spent with different women, together and separately, I want to share some tips with you that might be the missing Ingredient in your relationship that’s making it seems like a *battle field
Husbands! Please let’s be sincere with ourselves.
What exactly do you want to gain in seeing her Cry?
What exactly is your gain that she’s sad?
What will you get in return when your wife See’s you and almost die out of fear as if she sees a ghost?
Who’s paying you whenever you raise your hands to beat your wife?
it seems your salary increases as your wife’s sorrow increases abi? And that’s why you just like to make the house hot for her?
Cus I dont really get it!
It’s as if there’s a profit, a side earning we get whenever we frustrate life out of our wives.
Yes!
Women can be so naughty!
Yes!
They can be so Annoying!!
Yes!
They can be so Fraustrating!
Yes!
So ijogbonful!
Yes!
So gobestically constructed!!!
Yes! No one is doubting that, and that’s why you as a man you are appointed with the honourable task of guiding her affairs.
If you want a woman, but you Don’t want trouble then the best woman you can get that won’t give you trouble are the ones on biscuit carton, soap cartons, beverages tin, and the likes, those ones will always be submissive, obedient, They would stay wherever you put them, and when you throw them in the bin, they will *Never ever Retaliate* simply because they Don’t even *Exist in the first place*.
But if you want a woman!
That beautifully created being, who’s meant to make life condusive and Liveable, then be ready for *TROUBLE*!.
You want a woman and you dont want trouble please remain Single.
The noble prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said in a famous narration.
ما تركت بعدي فتنة أشد أو أضر على الرجال من النساء.
(Bukhori and Muslim)
Meaning.
“I did not leave an affliction more severe upon the men, than the *WOMEN!*”
So with this Hadith, we have been assured that there will certainly be some unavoidable afflictions that will befell the men from the women.
So after knowing this, a reasonable man, should always look for ways to avoid trouble with his wife and not creating them.
Even though you can’t Totally eradicate troubles and issues in marriage because _”Issues are Core part of marriage and marriage itself is an issue, you can’t stop being naughty, and she can’t stop being silly cus these are the core courses in the game of love”_
You can still successfully bring down the frequent level of marital crises,
We men, We are Naturally Created with *Ego and Pride!*, created with the natural disposition that we must always be the lead, The commander in chief of women forces, the Alpha and Omega of our Territory,
Yes! We all have these trait in us!
But the problem is that we are not ready to compromise this Natural Traits for the betterment of our Marriage,
we are not ready to drop our *EGO* and *PRIDE* to put a Big smile on our Wives faces.
This is the real cause of the problem.
What will it cost you to put a smile on your wife’s face?
What will it cost you to help her with the house chores?
What will it cost you to tell her every morning *I love you?*
What will it cost you to overlook her shortcomings and focus on her positive sides?
What will it cost you to take her as a gisting partner instead of going out early in the morning and coming back very late at night?
What will it cost you to help her wash some of her clothes, including her undies?
What will it cost you to spend on her to the best of your ability?
What will it cost you to be the same man you use to be before marriage?
That sugar coated tongued man that can use mouth to create a pathway on ocean!
What will it cost you to do anything to make you wife happy?
Wait! Don’t you want peace of mind?
Are you scared your friends will make fun of you and abuse you that you are not manly enough?
Are you scared people will make fun of you and claim you have been charmed by her? (Oti jefo)
Owk! You thought when you paid bride price you have bought a new slave abi?
What exactly is your Argument for not considering your wife’s happiness as part of your daily routine and obligatory responsibilities?
Yes! We all know women can be very annoying sometimes!
Yes we know their Advices and Suggestions can sometimes be weird!
Yes! We know they might sometimes be very myopic and tends to see things very differently from the way we do.
Sometimes you talk to them about *ABC* they respond with *XYZ*!
We know those things you also know and we have also experience those things you have experienced!
But Don’t forget that this *Being* are very Emotional beings that can break down at the onset of the slightest crises.
Don’t live with a woman as if you are living with a *MAN*
We are very different!
Emotionally different
Psychologically different
Physically different
Logically different
Don’t live with your wife as if she’s your room mate in school!
This is a *WOMAN!* a very fragile and delicate being.
The noble prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said in a narration
“رفقا بالقوارير”
*” _Be easy with these pearls(Delicate beings)_”*
He refers to the women as a very fragile being that can break if not handled with care.
You dont need to let you friend know you wash your wives Clothes occasionally!
If they Don’t know they can’t make fun of you!
You dont need to tell them you help your wife do the dishes!
If your reason for being hard and harsh on your wife is because of what the society will say, then it seems you are not ready to live in *Absolute Peace!*
Some men thinks that when they are strict and rigid, this earns them Respect before their women!
Let me tell you the truth! She will hate you like shit!
If your wife is not free before you and talks to you as if she’s addressing a tyrant ruler, then my brother, you are not enjoying ooooo! Wallahi you are suffering and being deprived of all *Goodness!*
Your wife is your friend!
Your wife is your Soul mate!
Your wife is your Helper!
Your wife is the shoulder you fall on when things are not going fine!
She’s the hands you hold high when things are going smooth!
My fellow Responsible Members of the Society!
If we can subdue this Ego of ours and bring down our wings for our wives to fly along with us, marriage would have been a better place than it is today!
Love!
Affection!
Attention!
Listening Ears!
Patience!
Humility!
High Sense of Humor!
Feeling of security!
And all other Praise worthy acts are what makes marriage fulfil it’s divine Purpose which is to be a source of *Tranquility, Love and Mercy!*
Following this Advices and Recommendations does not deprive you of your manliness!
It only shows you have the strength to Rule in all situations!
It shows you are Considerate with your subjects!
It shows you are The Real Man!
A man that can put A lifetime smile on a woman
Be good to your woman!
I can’t help you do that!
Only you can do that yourself!
I won’t preach what I dont practice!
It’s all very practicable!
Be the loving man she always wanted!
The caring man!
The playful man!
Her friend and gist partner!
Let her tell you how her heart almost bump out when she saw coackroach in her shoes,
Laugh and smile as if you were giving money!
Don’t be too rigid, you are driving your self to high blood pressure!
I wish to continue but my woman needs me!!
Oya get up and go and meet your woman!..
Tell her you love her!..
Tell her she means so much to you!
Tell her she fills a space in your heart!
Tell her the puzzle in your heart has been solved when you met her!
Tell her she’s the best gift ever to you!
Tease her!..
Play with her cheeks!
Let her see a different you!
Let her be happy she made the decision to marry you amidst other Suitable Men that proposed to her!
*I am dropping my Pad here, Yoruba will say “½ a word is enough for the Omoluabi, when it get inside of him, it will become Odindin!”*
Don’t just be a reader! Be a practicer of what you read!
